Super-Heroine or... Super-Zeroine?
By Z(Aasiyah/Nolwynn)
In the past few weeks, I've seen myself juggling a lot of tasks while wearing a lot of different hats. Wife, mom, daughter, student, writer, editor, blogger, crit partner, among others. I'm also needing to turn into a promo maven as I have a book releasing on October 2, barely 2 weeks away (Light My World). So much to do, so little time. At the end of each day, I'm like, where did the past 17-18 hours go? Need I mention I'm almost occupied for the whole of these 17 hours? I got to thinking, ah the bliss of having nothing to do.... *insert sound of a DJ slipping and jarring the disk here*
Nothing to do? Crikey, are you mad, girl? How will I live if I have nothing to do?
Some comfort came from the fact that I know lots of women in the same boat as I am and they too cannot imagine not rushing through tasks one after the other.
Then another thought came in - in this rush we women engage in to be good and even the best at everything, are we going from superheroine to superzeroine? How good a job can you do when you're stretched really thin? In short too, how perfect can we be?
This question is a very basic question in characterization, and lo and behold, we see it a lot in movies and TV stuff geared towards women. I'll use a few examples down here:
Just yesterday night, caught a little of Lipstick Jungle while I was at the same time sewing a new hem on my son's uniform trousers (I think they put organic compost under kids' feet at school, seems like he's growing up one size every other month!). So, the show is about 3 women at the top of their game career-wise. Nico is this top-notch glossy magazine editor, Victory is an up-and-coming fashion designer, and Wendy is a succesful movie producer. But, Nico's older husband neglects her, and the good wife she wants to remain takes a flying leap to hell when she meets young and sexy Kirby, with whom she has an affair. Victory is looking for Prince Charming, and goes from unsuccesful date to another, her love life inversely proportional to her career. Wendy tries hard to not be overcome by her thirst for more success in the job and be a good wife to her music-composer-stay-at-home-husband and a good mother to her two children whom she realizes she knows nothing about.
Echo of the balance career girls need to find today? Can you have it all?
When I think of this question, I'm always reminded of this image from the movie Baby Boom - Diane Keaton rushing to a meeting in her stiff and proper tailored suit, her briefcase and portfolio under one arm, a baby under the other. That's a lot how I feel on many days, like, where to look, what to attend to? Oh wait, let me try to tackle both at the same time. I'm a superheroine, innit? Of course I'll be able to do it!
But it isn't that simple, is it? Take the women of Wisteria Lane. Desperate Housewives was an eye-opener for me, coming at a time when I had just given up the corporate world and was bringing up my son amidst the chaos of mom, MIL and aunts on the lookout for how I'll handle the household as a new wife. Can you say 'throwback to the perfect immaculate 50s wife' in one single breath and under 2 seconds? I could! So there I was, in sweat pants and baggy T-shirt (that would get baby vomit on it at every feed, which was roughly every 3 hours, on the dot!), pining over my size 6 jeans and tailored suits, knowing I'd never get into them like before, eyeing my contact lenses with envy and at the same time pushing my glasses up the bridge of my nose again (funny how you forget that glasses slip on your nose when you look down, which happens all the time with a baby), and needing to project domestic and maternal bliss. So, like Lynette, I too bucked up and forced a smile and went, "[motherhood] is the best job in the world!".
Mind you, I did enjoy being a mother, but I hated the pressure of society and close entourage to be perfect. I knew I'd never turn into a Bree Van de Kamp, I clean up yes but I'm a slob compared to her, and I'm so not perfect. My one attempt to clean the stove and hood in our rented house where we lived back then one day made me lose an afternoon, 3 nails, and just about the full epidermis on my hands! If that's the cost to be perfect, I wasn't buying! I then turned to trying to be a good cook, but understand that food and I have a relationship where food knows that in my world, it exists only as a means of survival and guilty pleasure at times, not as a hobby or as a venture I indulge into. After barely a month into the perfect wife routine, despite wanting to bring Gordon, Jamie and Nigella all to shame by the whiff of the aromas coming from my kitchen, I gave up. Too hard! The folks would have to contend themselves with sustenance only.
But, then I managed to work through all this pressure (understand by that, kid grew up and stopped vomitting, ate his solids onwards like a darling and the hubby reassured me he'd wanted to marry a woman, not a paragon of virtue and perfection. Bless him, dear soul!)
So there I was, reconciled with the idea of being as good a wife, homemaker and mom as I could be ( I don't think I did bad. Kid is remarkably sane, husband is still alive and in one fully functioning piece, and though I turn out some dust bunnies on a regular roster, the house can be lived in nicely. And my food is edible and sometimes even good!)
By this time, another side of my life rolled into view - studies. I was doing my degree part-time and had to take exams despite having the jobs of mom and wife on hand. Can you say Elle Woods here? God, I'd have killed to be like her back then. I mean, how many of you get your hair blow-dried and are able to assimilate a law textbook at the same time? I always thought of that scene in Legally Blonde, and sometimes, I was like, I too could study well if I were getting manicures every week! Makes you wonder - was Elle's life too perfect? Or was she able to do it all (look like a darling little doll, be adorable and never snappy, and come out first of her class) because she was single and without responsibility? makes you also wonder if she ever had wacky hormones to deal with!
The question then comes back to - in our bid to be superheroines, are we becoming superzeroines?
Aasiyah Qamar - Cultural Romantic Fiction, With a Twist
Coming out October 2 - Light My World - Eirelander Publishing
Nolwynn Ardennes - The Promise of Fulfilment
Coming out January 8, 2010 - Storms in a Shot Glass - Eirelander Publishing
Coming out July 2, 2010 - Walking on the Edge - Eirelander Publishing
Aasiyah Qamar/Nolwynn Ardennes - Romance the world over
http://www.aasiyah-nolwynn.webs.com/
In the past few weeks, I've seen myself juggling a lot of tasks while wearing a lot of different hats. Wife, mom, daughter, student, writer, editor, blogger, crit partner, among others. I'm also needing to turn into a promo maven as I have a book releasing on October 2, barely 2 weeks away (Light My World). So much to do, so little time. At the end of each day, I'm like, where did the past 17-18 hours go? Need I mention I'm almost occupied for the whole of these 17 hours? I got to thinking, ah the bliss of having nothing to do.... *insert sound of a DJ slipping and jarring the disk here*Nothing to do? Crikey, are you mad, girl? How will I live if I have nothing to do?
Some comfort came from the fact that I know lots of women in the same boat as I am and they too cannot imagine not rushing through tasks one after the other.
Then another thought came in - in this rush we women engage in to be good and even the best at everything, are we going from superheroine to superzeroine? How good a job can you do when you're stretched really thin? In short too, how perfect can we be?
This question is a very basic question in characterization, and lo and behold, we see it a lot in movies and TV stuff geared towards women. I'll use a few examples down here:
Just yesterday night, caught a little of Lipstick Jungle while I was at the same time sewing a new hem on my son's uniform trousers (I think they put organic compost under kids' feet at school, seems like he's growing up one size every other month!). So, the show is about 3 women at the top of their game career-wise. Nico is this top-notch glossy magazine editor, Victory is an up-and-coming fashion designer, and Wendy is a succesful movie producer. But, Nico's older husband neglects her, and the good wife she wants to remain takes a flying leap to hell when she meets young and sexy Kirby, with whom she has an affair. Victory is looking for Prince Charming, and goes from unsuccesful date to another, her love life inversely proportional to her career. Wendy tries hard to not be overcome by her thirst for more success in the job and be a good wife to her music-composer-stay-at-home-husband and a good mother to her two children whom she realizes she knows nothing about.Echo of the balance career girls need to find today? Can you have it all?
When I think of this question, I'm always reminded of this image from the movie Baby Boom - Diane Keaton rushing to a meeting in her stiff and proper tailored suit, her briefcase and portfolio under one arm, a baby under the other. That's a lot how I feel on many days, like, where to look, what to attend to? Oh wait, let me try to tackle both at the same time. I'm a superheroine, innit? Of course I'll be able to do it!
But it isn't that simple, is it? Take the women of Wisteria Lane. Desperate Housewives was an eye-opener for me, coming at a time when I had just given up the corporate world and was bringing up my son amidst the chaos of mom, MIL and aunts on the lookout for how I'll handle the household as a new wife. Can you say 'throwback to the perfect immaculate 50s wife' in one single breath and under 2 seconds? I could! So there I was, in sweat pants and baggy T-shirt (that would get baby vomit on it at every feed, which was roughly every 3 hours, on the dot!), pining over my size 6 jeans and tailored suits, knowing I'd never get into them like before, eyeing my contact lenses with envy and at the same time pushing my glasses up the bridge of my nose again (funny how you forget that glasses slip on your nose when you look down, which happens all the time with a baby), and needing to project domestic and maternal bliss. So, like Lynette, I too bucked up and forced a smile and went, "[motherhood] is the best job in the world!".
Mind you, I did enjoy being a mother, but I hated the pressure of society and close entourage to be perfect. I knew I'd never turn into a Bree Van de Kamp, I clean up yes but I'm a slob compared to her, and I'm so not perfect. My one attempt to clean the stove and hood in our rented house where we lived back then one day made me lose an afternoon, 3 nails, and just about the full epidermis on my hands! If that's the cost to be perfect, I wasn't buying! I then turned to trying to be a good cook, but understand that food and I have a relationship where food knows that in my world, it exists only as a means of survival and guilty pleasure at times, not as a hobby or as a venture I indulge into. After barely a month into the perfect wife routine, despite wanting to bring Gordon, Jamie and Nigella all to shame by the whiff of the aromas coming from my kitchen, I gave up. Too hard! The folks would have to contend themselves with sustenance only.But, then I managed to work through all this pressure (understand by that, kid grew up and stopped vomitting, ate his solids onwards like a darling and the hubby reassured me he'd wanted to marry a woman, not a paragon of virtue and perfection. Bless him, dear soul!)
So there I was, reconciled with the idea of being as good a wife, homemaker and mom as I could be ( I don't think I did bad. Kid is remarkably sane, husband is still alive and in one fully functioning piece, and though I turn out some dust bunnies on a regular roster, the house can be lived in nicely. And my food is edible and sometimes even good!)
By this time, another side of my life rolled into view - studies. I was doing my degree part-time and had to take exams despite having the jobs of mom and wife on hand. Can you say Elle Woods here? God, I'd have killed to be like her back then. I mean, how many of you get your hair blow-dried and are able to assimilate a law textbook at the same time? I always thought of that scene in Legally Blonde, and sometimes, I was like, I too could study well if I were getting manicures every week! Makes you wonder - was Elle's life too perfect? Or was she able to do it all (look like a darling little doll, be adorable and never snappy, and come out first of her class) because she was single and without responsibility? makes you also wonder if she ever had wacky hormones to deal with! The question then comes back to - in our bid to be superheroines, are we becoming superzeroines?
Let's face it - we're women. We've battled for centuries trying to get an equal footing in a world driven by men and their ego. Today we have this unbelievable chance and opportunity to be everything we want, and yes, we can even be this everything all at the same time! Career girl, adored wife, perfect wife and homemaker, world's no.1 mom, super bombshell who still makes heads turn! A woman at the top of her game!
Or can we really? Won't we happen to focus on one thing more than the other? Won't we stretch ourselves thin over our many responsiblities and personas? Won't we be a jack of all trades but master of none?
I'm a writer, and as such, I write about women. While my work is not women's fiction but more romance, I still need to present a 'strong' sketch and depiction of today's woman in my work. In Light My World I have Diya, a 24-year-old who's trying to reconcile her many personas as woman of Indian descent (tradition and marriage and 'perfect' family-picked suitor), young woman of today (freedom, career, carefree attitude, live-life-to-the-full outlook), and woman full stop (find love and Mr. Right, with home and kids further down the line) - but the problem? She wants and needs to do all this at the same time, and feels that on the verge of turning 25, she needs to get all her ducks lined up.
Or can we really? Won't we happen to focus on one thing more than the other? Won't we stretch ourselves thin over our many responsiblities and personas? Won't we be a jack of all trades but master of none?
I'm a writer, and as such, I write about women. While my work is not women's fiction but more romance, I still need to present a 'strong' sketch and depiction of today's woman in my work. In Light My World I have Diya, a 24-year-old who's trying to reconcile her many personas as woman of Indian descent (tradition and marriage and 'perfect' family-picked suitor), young woman of today (freedom, career, carefree attitude, live-life-to-the-full outlook), and woman full stop (find love and Mr. Right, with home and kids further down the line) - but the problem? She wants and needs to do all this at the same time, and feels that on the verge of turning 25, she needs to get all her ducks lined up. Does the perfect woman exist? In the book I'm penning at the moment, the heroine Neha wants to be this perfect woman. Why? Because she has this inferiority complex towards her elder sister, Lara, whom she's always viewed as perfect. Lara has a super career, always came out with top grades, has perfect kids, has a husband who's still silly besotted with her even now, boasts a supermodel's figure despite three pregnancies, is the apple of their parents' eyes, arghhh! It helped that Lara 'slipped' once, her first marriage ending in divorce, but even after, Lara worked herself to the top rungs of every ladder and is staying there effortlessly. I love this conflict in the story, but what I also love is the fact that Lara is actually not perfect - she hides a terrible, dark past that no one is privy to, and I so want Neha to find this and realise no woman is a 'perfect' superheroine.
A woman is a superheroine in her own right - she needs not be perfect in all she does to merit the title. Heck, just carrying a baby in her womb makes her quite super in my book!
But it's when women get swallowed by this notion of being perfect in everything and anything that they turn, well, from superheroines, to superzeroines. It's all a question of finding our balance in life, your very own place.
Tell me, what's your take on this matter?
A woman is a superheroine in her own right - she needs not be perfect in all she does to merit the title. Heck, just carrying a baby in her womb makes her quite super in my book!
But it's when women get swallowed by this notion of being perfect in everything and anything that they turn, well, from superheroines, to superzeroines. It's all a question of finding our balance in life, your very own place.
Tell me, what's your take on this matter?
Lipstick Jungle poster courtesy of nbc.com
Desperate Housewives poster courtesy of abc.com
Baby Boom poster courtesy imdb.com
Other pics: Microsoft Office Clip Art
Aasiyah Qamar - Cultural Romantic Fiction, With a TwistComing out October 2 - Light My World - Eirelander Publishing
Nolwynn Ardennes - The Promise of Fulfilment
Coming out January 8, 2010 - Storms in a Shot Glass - Eirelander Publishing
Coming out July 2, 2010 - Walking on the Edge - Eirelander Publishing
Aasiyah Qamar/Nolwynn Ardennes - Romance the world over
http://www.aasiyah-nolwynn.webs.com/
Z, your books sound terrific and are!
ReplyDeleteLove your characters because we can so identify with them!
I don't think perfect anything or anyone exists.
And sometimes striving too hard to do it all can play hell with nerves--causing stress and all sorts of nasty stuff.
I over do too, but don't have small children running around to care for. My step-children are grown.
Media and books do reflect the very tough world modern women find themselves in, which is good because there again, it's our world we are living in and it relates to us.
I think the more we read about the situation, the better it is because women can see themselves and think about the hard work and stress and possibly do something about it. Yeah, right!
Don't have the answer--other than if you think back in time, women always had stress! Whether it was raising a family and coping with a war going on or being weighed down with domestic work before there were modern gadgets to help.
I think it's just that women have always throughout history had to bear and raise children, work in the home--outside the home or now in the home with their pc!
Great post, timely and right on the mark!
Sorry I've not seen any of those shows (actually glad!) But, dang girl, I got tired reading what you are accomplishing.
ReplyDeleteKudos, Z, on a great post and on being a great woman - which encompasses all those other personas in bits and pieces.
I believe the problem we have as women is comparing ourselves to others, particularly to those women who live on magazine covers, on the big screen or in somebody's imagination.
ReplyDeleteIn our 20's and 30's we try to do everything and please everyone. In our 40's we start wising up. By 50 we become who we truly are and don't give a flying leap about what anyone thinks! As we get older, so much of this stuff will fall away. With age comes the wisdom to understand what really matters.
Unfortunately, I didn't watch any of those shows so I can't identify with them.
ReplyDeleteI think that women do have the opportunity now to be the best at everything she tries unlike a few decades ago.
I gave up on perfect a long time ago. I'll settle for being a good person, mother and wife. That's enough to keep me happy.
Great post, Z.
Liena~
I used to always try pleasing everyone, but then I never had time for myself. I've always been a person who wanted to do everything for everyone, and I could never say no. It took me fifty years to get over that. lol
ReplyDeleteNo one's perfect, not even Bree. Grin.
Congrats on your upcoming release, Z! Very exciting. And harrowing, I know. One author I know told the story of getting her acceptance notice, then she realized she hadn't finished cleaning the toilet, so she went back to it. Life goes on. We do what we must, each day. And who wants to be perfect? Perfect is boring. :)
ReplyDeleteBest of luck with Light my World!
'Understand that food and I have a relationship where food knows that in my world, it exists only as a means of survival and guilty pleasure at times, not as a hobby or as a venture I indulge in.'
ReplyDeleteLOL!! That is me all the way!
Personally, I think men and women are both equally as competitive. Men compete among themselves to see who can be King of the Castle, win the most toys and make the highest salary with the most perks.
Women compete amongst ourselves to see who can keep up with any man while retaining all of our traditional femininity.
Hey ladies!
ReplyDeleteLol, all your comments are spot on the mark!
Carole: Yup, striving too hard brings burnout and further down the line, even a breakdown. Thank goodness then for small indulgences, like chocolate cake! About the media, my MIL once gave me an answer that had me pondering why we are so attuned into other "women on the screen" type of issues and problems - because it shows us a potential situation we may face too and it also shows us how to deal with it, at least make us think how we'd react in the same shoes. I thought that was good prep for what life throws at us as women, ahem, the stronger sex...?
J: thanks for your lovely, sweet words. Totally made my little heart burst!! Many hugs!
Chicki: Yup, there's always an 'ideal' people will try to foist on us poor souls. Just yesterday was reading how LA is now the land of the diet-that-no-one-admits-to-doing. A question of self-esteem then? Maybe we need stronger young girls, who go into the big bad world knowing who and what they are about and no one can BS them. Oh, it gets better with age? I cannot wait to be 50 then. Oh dang, got another 24 years to wait...
Liena: Great attitude, darling! That's the spirit!
Sandy: Better late than never, girl! I'm sure good karma is coming back to you now, for all the people you helped and looked after when you were younger. And yeah, not even Bree's perfect!
Cate: Thanks for the congrats! Lol at the acceptance story. Rings so true! Yeah, life doesn't stop, and sometimes, thank goodness for that. It can often be a little slice of sanity in an insane world.
Julia: Finally, a food kindred soul! You wouldn't believe how many people looked at me like I'm an alien or something when I give my position on food! In the Indian world, it's almost as if you're confessing you're a crazy manic psychopath if you say you don't like to cook and prefer to wander into the kitchen just to eat! And don't forget, men compete for who has the biggest car and the smallest cell phone!
Thanks to you all, many many hugs!!
Z(Aasiyah/Nolwynn)
I think some of it is a matter of what you define as "success." If success at the moment means being the best mom you can be, then shrug your shoulders at that crumpled power suit on the floor! But, at another time (before kids, or kids grown), "success" might not have anything to do with how your house looks but might instead be getting that 25th book published. {Winks to you, Z!}
ReplyDeleteI think we need to pay attention to what we define as success at different times of our lives. And looking to others' definitions (esp through movies and TV) will always make us feel crazed and overwhelmed!
LOVED this Z and am sorry I missed in, the midst of craziness. Yes, a zeroine I am these days. Doing plenty of tasks and none of them particularly well...
ReplyDeleteI am not a mother, or a wife, which takes a lot of the pressure away, but at times I wonder how someone who is either, or both! manages it all. It's nearly impossible for me to be a writer, a woman, a daughter, a friend, a business partner and a housekeeper - for myself - at once, I can't imagine adding one more task onto that list. Mother? OMG! And wife? Impossible.
So what am I getting at? I absolutely, positively admire the women who are able to do it all and I think that is a talent you possess like any other. It's also, as any talent, something that takes lots of practice and dedication to truly make it work. But it is something that I highly and deeply admire.
So, may I ask you mothers and wives of the world, or those reading this blog anyway, to stand up, give yourselves a round of applause and bow to the wonder that is YOU! Truly, it's very impressive to the rest of us, even if some might not be as willing to admit it!
Best and thanks for this wonderful piece Z! Nina
LOVED this Z and am sorry I missed in, the midst of craziness. Yes, a zeroine I am these days. Doing plenty of tasks and none of them particularly well...
ReplyDeleteI am not a mother, or a wife, which takes a lot of the pressure away, but at times I wonder how someone who is either, or both! manages it all. It's nearly impossible for me to be a writer, a woman, a daughter, a friend, a business partner and a housekeeper - for myself - at once, I can't imagine adding one more task onto that list. Mother? OMG! And wife? Impossible.
So what am I getting at? I absolutely, positively admire the women who are able to do it all and I think that is a talent you possess like any other. It's also, as any talent, something that takes lots of practice and dedication to truly make it work. But it is something that I highly and deeply admire.
So, may I ask you mothers and wives of the world, or those reading this blog anyway, to stand up, give yourselves a round of applause and bow to the wonder that is YOU! Truly, it's very impressive to the rest of us, even if some might not be as willing to admit it!
Best and thanks for this wonderful piece Z! Nina
Z, you have a way with words and are a really good writer. Life is exhausting nowadays, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteI wish you the best with your writing and everything else. -Laura Hogg
Hey again ladies!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comments, really warm, loving words that brighten the day!
Laurie: You're right, we need to define what success is and then strive forward. Just like we have many facets to us, success too has many facets and not all of them will catch the light depending on where you're at when looking at the prism. Thanks for this grounding little piece of advice - define what success means to you and stick to it!
Nina: darling, thanks for the lovely words about moms. It truly is a demanding but oh so satisfying job! Yeah, we often take ourselves for granted, but then, sigh, our kids take us for granted (hell, even I take my mom for granted, like I always know I can score comfort food at her place anytime!) so I guess that kinda rubs on our own perspective. At least as a friend, I can say you are no zeroine, but a superheroine indeed! So glad we met up!
Laura: Thanks for dropping by, girl, and your words went right to my heart. Oh yeah, life is single knackering piece of travelling! But I wonder if we'd have it any other way if we were given the choice...
Thanks and many hugs!
Z(Aasiyah/Nolwynn)