RESOLUTELY AGAINST RESOLUTIONS

by Joanna D'Angelo

I'm not a fan of making New Year's Resolutions although I can understand the compulsion to do so. It's the dawn of a new year - you feel compelled to start off with good intentions.  Quit smoking! Eat healthy! Work out! Save money! Find a better job! Yadda, yadda, yadda. But how long do those good intentions really last before you fall off the wagon? Oh, about mid-way through January according to a 2007 poll. The New York Times article I linked here talks about making specific goals rather than general ones because specific goals are easier to achieve and maintain. So rather than resolving to eat healthy  - when you go out to a restaurant resolve to share your entree.  Madon'! I can just see my Nonna shaking her head. Common sense people. It's a wonderful thing. A far more interesting article in the Wall Street Journal suggests that New Year's resolutions are the wrong way to change behaviour and instead we should "respect the feebleness of our self-control, and spread our resolutions out over the entire year".  Well, I'm all for balance.

I don't want to sound preachy - I'm the last person in the world who should preach to anyone about anything but I believe that change - any kind of true change doesn't just happen because you make a resolution on Jan. 1st.  Nor will the bland platitudes that self-help mangia cakes trot out every year have any profound impact on your life. Well, if that's what gets you through the day then knock yourself out.  But real change is a struggle. It takes time. It's fraught with emotional muckiness. This, I know from experience.

Five years ago after my mom passed away I made a decision.  To have faith in my own abilities as a writer and pursue my own ideas instead of only working on other people's projects (hey, I have to make a living right?) This was very difficult for me. A shift in my way of thinking. A huge leap because I had always lacked confidence in my writing.  I knew I was a good writer but  I had focused primarily on the development side. I could write kick-butt funding applications and proposals  but could I undertake a documentary? Could I actually make a living being creative?  Could I direct? Yikes. Still not sure about that one.  Although, I do think that my greatest strength comes in post production in the edit suite.

Documentaries.  I bow to the beauty of documentaries. I love documentaries. I am in awe of documentary filmmakers.  I grew up watching National Film Board (NFB) documentaries in school.  Something every Canadian kid experiences. In university I took several documentary courses - one was an overview that included incredible films made by British filmmakers to the brilliant American director Frederick Wiseman to Canadian documentarians like the late great Alan King and many NFB gems.  We saw some great docs - including a short little film about bicycles that was just gorgeous.  Another film was called La Lutte - about pro wrestlers in Montreal. It was directed by four Quebec filmmakers including Michel Brault and Claude Jutra (both would become princes of Quebec filmmaking).  When we had the NFB library in Ottawa I'd go there at least once a week, grab a screening booth and just watch films.

While my mom was still alive I started researching a documentary about romance writers - from a feminist perspective.  It didn't quite end up the way I had first envisioned (alas, you always have to balance what you want with what the broadcaster wants) and when you work on something for so long you're aware of every tiny little error -things that nobody else notices - but that you wish you could have changed. But, overall I was pleased.  And people who've seen it really seem to like it.

There was overlap with other projects as well. I was lucky in that I was busy right out of the starting gate.  But I knew it wouldn't last.  This business is nothing if not fickle.  But, that is the true challenge of making a resolution. When it stops being easy is when the resolve part kicks in.  It's the part when my aunt phoned me and told me to go to teacher's college. Not to mention my father. Well, I was a lost cause to him a long time ago when I decided to study journalism instead of business. He came around eventually. In fact, when my documentary premiered on TV ( a very cool experience by the way ;) my dad liked it. I had been a wee bit concerned.  It has a few somewhat risqué elements in it.  And he's my dad after all. Yikes! But he told me he thought it was very well done.  And not in a Dad way either.  My dad is a tough critic. He rarely (if ever) pays anyone a compliment. About anything. So needless to say - that was like an Oscar moment for me.

So getting back to my resolve - with the rat race of pitching. The true challenge begins when things get difficult. Especially when you meet face to face with a broadcaster and they tell you that they love your idea and would like to develop it.   Then a couple of weeks later they send you a rejection later in the mail.  A follow up phone call reveals that their reasons for rejecting you were the exact same reasons why they told you they liked the project in the first place.  A fickle bunch indeed. 

Then there was the time I pitched a  docu-soap series idea to a successful American producer who told me I needed to get rid of my subjects (a group of clever, attractive,  interesting women writers)  and find some train wrecks. ARGH!

One more example happened last summer.  I blogged about it here. I was working on a really interesting show idea about a fashion designer who was making a come-back. My producer and I really liked the designer. We connected on a personal level - I had had several conversations with her and we were all very excited about the project.  Between my conversations with her and the research and writing - it took me several weeks to write the proposal.  It was a difficult one to write because I had to tread carefully - there were aspects of her life that she didn't want to include and I was careful not to allude to them.  So after I finished writing the proposal I sent it off to my producer. A few days later she called me to say that the designer sent her an e-mail out of the blue and decided to pull out of our project. Instead she was going to work with another producer.  As an aside we had originally approached her about the idea. Until that point, it hadn't even occurred to her to think about doing a show about her life.

Numerous attempts to contact her failed. My producer felt terrible about it as did I.  This one hit me harder than the rest because we'd trusted her and I knew the broadcasters would have gone for the idea.  So close. As a consolation my producer told me it was the best proposal she'd ever read.  So I had a great pitch document but no star.  Another lesson learned. Luckily, I still got paid for writing it.

There have been many other rejections along the way.  It really is the nature of being a writer.  You will always suffer rejection. I know writers who took 10 years to get published.  Imagine if those writers made a resolution to write a book in January then gave up before the month ended.  That's what I mean by true resolve.  A true resolution involves a fundamental shift in your way of thinking - in how you choose to live your life and what you choose to do with it.

So why do I continue to pursue this TV dream of mine?  Well, it's because I love telling stories. And I love television.  I love film as well - but in Canada - the process of financing a movie is like getting several root canals over many, many years.  I continue to stick to my resolution even though I've had many moments of darkness and doubt.  I continue to move forward because that is the only direction I can go.  When I get rejected again (and I will) I'll have to shrug it off, give myself a day or so to gather my energy and then move on.  But I have faith in my abilities and my ideas.  I have faith that I made the right decision. I finally have faith in myself.

I hope you all have faith in yourselves as well. If you choose to make New Year's resolutions think about what you're resolving to do and why. Very easy to make a mental list.  Very hard to make a shift in your mentality.

Happy New Year!