Playing Florence Nightingale

by Joanna D'Angelo

Half my family is sick with a wonky virus right now - combo stomach flu/chest cold. So it’s my turn to play Florence Nightingale. A role that I know all too well.

My Mother died of cervical cancer in June of 2004. The first time she was diagnosed was in 1998.  But it returned in her bowel in late 2002.  But another fun little event happened during the course of my mother's illness - the production company that I was working for essentially went under and laid off all the staff.  That was a blow as well because it came on the heels of the death of one of the owners to a brain tumour (the gentleman who had invested most of the money to launch the company in the first place). His background was in high tech and he had wanted to do something different in his retirement years.  He was one of the loveliest men I have ever known.

We had all seen it coming but it was still emotionally hard. Then the president of a very successful production company just down the hall strolled into my office one day (before I had even contemplated my next move) and hired me to plan his next market trip to Cannes.  I had been concerned about finding work after that just because - well Ottawa isn't Toronto or LA or NYC - it's a small market but then again being small has its advantages as well because everyone knows you. 

But during the course of my gig at this production house - it became apparent that my Mom needed more attention and care than my Dad had the energy to provide and it was out of the question that we would put her in a long term care facility. That would never happen. So I decided to stop working full time and help take care of my mom.

My Dad also had to make the tough decision to ask my Nonna - his mother -  to live with his brother.  My Nonna had also become increasingly frail and sickly - she was 91 and was rapidly losing her vision to diabetes but she was also having heart and kidney problems.  I will say that my Nonna was a woman who never allowed any ailment to stop her - in fact up until the age of 88 or 89 she traveled to Italy almost every other year where she still maintained her home. That was always very important to her - to never give up her house in the old country. She also had a very active social life and would go away on weekend trips with her seniors' group or to a dance on Saturday nights at St. Anthony's Soccer Club or in St. Anthony's Church basement hall or at St. Anthony's Banquet Hall across the street from St. Anthony's Church. If you haven't guessed - St. Anthony is the patron saint of Ottawa for the Italian community. Italians - no matter where they are - need a patron saint.  Mind you she'd only ever dance with her old lady friends. But they were quite the quartet.  I made a documentary short about my Nonna many years ago which featured her, along with her "Golden Girls". When my Nonna moved out - it was difficult for all of us because - well - she was like a second mother to me and I had a feeling that she wasn't going to live much longer. She passed away a few months later - in May of 2003.

But a few months before that - I  wrapped up my gig and took time away from the industry to help take care of my Mum.  I don't regret my decision because it led to much soul searching on my part - a realization that although I enjoyed working in production - I would rather work on my own projects. But it also concerned me a little because once you're out of the loop in this industry - it's tough to get back in.

When I had time I began to build up my ideas folder.  It was at this time that I conceived and started researching my documentary about romance writers  - "Who's Afraid of Happy Endings?" which as many of you know was commissioned by Bravo! Canada and has also been broadcast in Australia. I still get e-mails from people I know who've seen my documentary - as Bravo! has aired it quite often. At this point I don't even know how many times it's been on but I've even stumbled upon it while channel surfing. I can't help but smile to myself when that happens. It's kind of cool.

I was also doing weekly movie reviews for CBC Radio in Ottawa which provided a respite of sorts for me.  I don't know about you but I love going to the movies by myself.  I never feel this way when I go to a movie with other people - but when I'm alone and I leave a movie theatre - especially after watching a particularly inspiring movie I feel like all my senses are on high alert.  I see, hear and feel more intensely.  That's when my brain starts whirring and ideas start popping.  And even if nothing comes of it - I quite enjoy the experience.

 I had also at the time been working on a film project called "A Windigo Tale".  Now, you may wonder - how I found the time to do all this stuff while caring for my mom.  Well, you do have time on your hands when you're sitting vigil at odd hours of the night while your mom is sleeping soundly beside you.  Lots of time to write.

"A Windigo Tale" began with the production company that I had been working for but when it went under, the filmmaker took his project back and essentially became the executive producer.  The film was based on an interesting concept  - exploring the myth of the Windigo in Native culture as a metaphor for  Canada's residential school system.   From the 1920s to the 1960s Aboriginal children in Canada were torn from their homes and forced to learn the ways of the "white culture" in Catholic and other church-run schools where they were physically and sexually abused.  This has had a lasting impact on Native culture in Canada.

After many years - and long after my involvement with it ended - "A Windigo Tale" is finally complete and I believe the fillmmaker had been invited to send his film to the Sundance Film Festival and to the ReelWorld Film Festival in Toronto.

Since my Mum passed away I have been pursuing both my own writing projects while still hanging onto this Florence Nightingale role in my family.  It's been stressful at times because it's tough to juggle both  - trying to build my career and be my family's constant rescuer.  My older sister had two high risk pregnancies but thank goodness - gave birth to two gorgeous boys and my younger sister has been suffering from severe depression for years but I think is finally on the right track for getting the treatment she needs. I know that in certain families - well at least in my family - there is always a pressure to "be there" and to always "step up"- but I have also learned that it should not be to the detriment of your own life.  If you lose yourself along the way - and I almost did that - then all the help you give your family will be worthless in the end.  As my therapist of many years always reminds me - "selfish" is not always a bad word.  I still have trouble with that one.  But I'm learning - as I continue to write and develop my projects.

One more thing - while I will always be there for my family, friends and loved ones I am trying to learn the art of finding a balance in life - something  I think we can all relate to.

Thanks for indulging my navel gazing today.