It's a Nice Day for a White Wedding

by Stacey Graham

I'm a freak at weddings.

Not the kind that pole dances around the groom as my way of livening up the ceremony but the one that sits in the front and does the ugly cry as the bride walks down the aisle with her dad. I can't help it. The thought of that much money going down the tubes for one day makes my thrifty little brain go nuts. Now I'm all for a party and if you throw the male strippers in for free, I'm your girl but how about saving some cash for the nifty things you'll need for your new home like toilet paper and bribing the neighbors into not spilling the beans to the cops about the black plastic on the windows and the odd goat sounds coming from your apartment? Practicality, ladies. That's what I'm talking about.

So how can you save on your budget and still have the Disney-fueled, messed-up Princess wedding you've been told to have since childhood?

1. The Dress: Good gravy, who told us to look like a giant cupcake? Beaded, laced up the wa-hoo, veils, gloves, sequins, pasties... wait. I was channeling a Billy Idol video, nevermind. While the dress can be a focal point of the wedding, keeping it simple saves on the budget and you’ll have more room in your closet later unless you plan on recycling it for throw pillows or burp cloths.
2. Decorations: I’ve seen everything from a bride wielding a chainsaw to create her own jungle-themed ice sculpture to air fresheners dressed as the happy couple. Seriously, you can’t go wrong with DIY. If nothing else, it’ll give your guests something to chat about while sucking down the margaritas-in-a-box you’ve picked up in the alley outside of the Booze Barn. Expiration dates? Whatever.
3. Favors: Why do people need goodie bags? I hate these things for my kids’ parties, do we really need to give adults more matchboxes, stale almond candies or worse – live plants? The last time I received a baby tree as a favor, I stuck it in my drink because it looked a bit thirsty and I may have had a few too many margaritas. Apparently tequila and fir trees don’t mix. At least it died happy. Ole.
4. Location: I just heard of a couple married for 75 years who did the deed in the backseat of their Model A Ford. The ceremony, not the honeymoon. Sheesh, people. While I don’t foresee a huge rush of engaged couples cramming themselves into a Fiesta, it does show how a little creativity can make the day awesome without renting a stadium.
   

Your wedding will be perfect, no matter how many times your drunk uncle tells people that he thought you’d never get married or if your water breaks (hey, it happens). Relax, concentrate on your groom and tuck away a little of your savings to feed the goats.

Bio: Stacey Graham is a multi-tasking mother of five whose first two books come out in Spring 2012: The Girls’ Ghost Hunting Guide http://girlsghosthuntingguide.com (Soucebooks Jabberwocky) and The Zombie Tarot (Quirk) as well as the mouthpiece for Undead Fred's Zombie Dating Guide http://zombiedatingguide.com  . Drop in and say howdy at her blog, Betwixt and Between http://staceyigraham.com  and on twitter @staceyigraham http://twitter.com/staceyigraham.


Image credit: favecrafts.com <http://favecrafts.com>  (fascinator)