The Dangers of Playmobile and Spiced Wine

By Morgan Karpiel

It's all well and good for a romance writer to spend an entire day, with the four-year-old, setting up the Playmobile toys under the tree. It is also good that the grand construction goes according to the rules of each kit and everything (and everyone) is placed in the proper setting. But what happens after aforementioned four-year-old goes to sleep and aforementioned writer has had three glasses of spiced Christmas wine?

Well...Things start to look a little different.

Yes, there's a great castle, ruled over by a great queen.

And there is a princess, from a foreign land, who has fallen under a spell and lies asleep, in a crystal case. The princess was, of course, supposed to marry the prince of the land, who is quite handsome.

Unfortunately for the kingdom, it is well known that the prince is not quite himself. Injured by a careless snowboot incident during the great crusades across the kitchen floor. The prince suffered a severe concussion and, in fact, half of his crown is now missing. It is presumed that his somewhat vacant smile is a pleasant mask for brain damage.

It is said that the princess discovered that her groom-to-be is now nothing more than sword wielding idiot, who can offer her nothing but a lifetime of torturous neglect and bad jokes featuring fart noises and projectile fecal matter.

In her horror, some say the princess tried to escape, thus was placed under the sleeping spell by the queen's master wizard.

But the princess has a secret of her own. During her teenage years in the far North, she ran with a bad crowd of Lycan, and slept with most of them on a bet. While working her way through the beautiful males of the pack, she met the fearless Alpha, Lord LongFur.

LongFur forbid her to sleep with any more wolves, swearing that he was her one, true mate. She ran from this frightening, yet strangely exciting, master of darkness. But in her dreams, in the deep and solid sleep of the cursed, she calls to him, as her one true mate.

LongFur knows that the best way to get into the castle with a little money and little booze. One weak guard is all it takes....

The princess is just as he remembered. His life mate. She wakes from her curse, as Playmobile love is stronger than any other toy love.

They escape quickly, but cannot fight their terrible passion.

And all is well with the pack...

Though, admittedly, as three glasses turn to four, there seems to be a Chinese assassin in the Manger with Baby Jesus:

And, the candy elves seem to have all come from a German Disco: